Valentine’s Day and Trigeminal Neuralgia: When a Kiss Hurts
Valentine’s Day is built around closeness. A kiss. A hug. A shared meal. A quiet touch on the face. Yet for many people living with trigeminal neuralgia (TN), those ordinary moments come with a question most couples never have to ask: Will this trigger pain?
TN is often described as one of the most severe pain conditions. What makes it especially hard is not only the intensity, but how easily it can be set off. For example, a light breeze, a toothbrush, a razor, the rim of a cup, or the pressure of a pillow can all be risky. As a result, even comfort can feel uncertain.
That is why Valentine’s Day and trigeminal neuralgia can collide in a way that is difficult to explain unless you have lived it. It is not about romance being “ruined”. Instead, it is about intimacy becoming unpredictable, and sometimes impossible, without warning.
What does trigeminal neuralgia stop you from doing?
People outside the TN world often assume pain is constant and obvious. However, TN can be invisible. It can be intermittent. In many cases, it is also relentless. Over time, people adapt, but adaptation can look like avoidance.
On a day that centres on affection, TN can mean:
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Avoiding shaving because the sensation on the skin feels too risky
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Changing how you brush your teeth, or fearing the moment the bristles touch
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Choosing softer meals, cutting food into tiny pieces, or skipping meals entirely
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Drinking carefully, particularly when hot or cold drinks trigger pain
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Saying no to a kiss, even when love is there, because the face cannot tolerate contact
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Pulling back from hugs, leaning away, or sleeping separately to avoid accidental touch
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Cancelling plans because a flare makes eating, speaking, and smiling feel impossible
None of this is trivial. These are everyday actions most people do without thinking. When TN takes them away, confidence can drop, relationships can strain, and mental health can suffer, too.
Rare Disease Month and invisible illness
Rare Disease Day falls at the end of February, and Rare Disease Month offers a timely reminder: “rare” does not mean “small impact”. In practice, invisible illness changes how people move through the world. It shapes how they socialise, how they work, and how safe they feel in their own body.
With TN, the impact can be especially painful around the face. After all, the face is where we express identity, affection, and connection. Consequently, days like Valentine’s can feel sharper than an ordinary week.
Love still exists, but it may look different
If you live with TN, you are not “being difficult” when you set boundaries. Likewise, you are not rejecting your partner when you avoid touch. You are managing risk because the consequences can be severe.
If you love someone with TN, kindness starts with believing them. Next, it means making practical adjustments without fuss. Try asking, “What feels safe today?” rather than “Why can’t you just…?” Keep plans flexible, and treat cancellations as normal, not as failure. Over time, that steady respect protects closeness.
A Valentine’s question for our community
For Valentine’s Day and trigeminal neuralgia, I want to ask one clear question:
What does TN stop you from doing, or make you think twice about?
If you need support, TNA UK is here.
Support and contact:
TNA UK: https://www.tna.org.uk/contact-us/